how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
