dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
