Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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