i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
