I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it's great music for shaving your balls
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
