no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Everyone says I win the strip club
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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