his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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