So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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