sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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