It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
