i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
