i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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