this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
