His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just puked most of my soul out..
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