I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't deserve a penis
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
