I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
