i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
