WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
