Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
