You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
