I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
