you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
