we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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