He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
