Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
