I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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