I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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