K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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