you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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