FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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