If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
