at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
