11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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