Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
