look no pants
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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