I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
