Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
