Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
