i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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