we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
