when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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