Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You were trust falling into bushes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
