my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
