she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
my liver is dry heaving
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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