wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
