she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
