Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
