the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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