My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
