My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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