Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
