so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
