I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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