We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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