why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
