is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
