I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
