Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
