ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
