he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
